I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
