Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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