I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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