Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
