so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
