Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize