I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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