$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
