I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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