She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
