Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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