also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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