Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
