He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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