I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
