we have pet lesbian snakes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
