She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize