Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
