I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
