So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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