I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
