All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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