I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
