1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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