It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
