Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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