Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
