You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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