So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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