he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
