that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
