It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
