i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
