so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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