After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
