I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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