I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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