She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
