maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
