So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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