I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
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