I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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