Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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