am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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