he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
