Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize