I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
