Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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