I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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