I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
