WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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