Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
