He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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