I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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