She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
