I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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