i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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