I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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