Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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