STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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