I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
