yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
