six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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