He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
