Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
