TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
