Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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