Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
