how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
