You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
