I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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