I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
