goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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