first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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