She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
