So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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